one of those days.

Well today has been full of nothing but it feels like everything is happening at once. Ever had one of those days? Nothing really happens, but its so full of your mind thinking about everything that should be going on that its draining. All i really did was go to school for one hour, go home, and go to the doctors to have a blood test. I should of been doing folio work, working on my homework, but i couldnt seem to find the inner energy that it takes. And what makes it worst? its not the end of the week. Only Thursday. I should be working out friendships, talking and supporting other people, having time to relax, buy im to tired to actually relax, i know that it may not make sense to who ever even reads this, but let me tell you its possible. I shouldn't be falling asleep after a short day. But the point is im tired, stressed, and drained emotionally and physically. Its year 12, 2 folios due in 2 weeks, 3 shifts a week and safeway (which makes me more drained and stressed cause its time i could use), its not knowing what my life is going to hold, not knowing what to even do with myself when there is so many things that should be done. I could write on forever. I even blog, when im stressing about time. Maybe because if I start on my work, it will make me more tired. And the fact i cant stop thinking at the moment. Worrying about friends, what they have going on in their lives. One thing about me is that I could sit and wait forever, for something to happen. for the past 4 hours I have been listening to one song over and over. "last kiss" by Taylor Swift. I dont know why I even keep listening to it. I like the instrumental, and melody. I''m just not sure. You know what how can I be sure of anything anymore? When you think you trust someone, and you know them really well, then you stop to think, and maybe you dont? maybe they dont know you as well either, not matter how hard you try, it just dosnt seem to work. Latley I have been planning out sittuations in my head, good ones, that i want my future to hold with certain people. I let my mind escape, into worlds that arn't real. And then all i get when i figure out they arn't ever going to happen? Disapointment. So then the cycle happens again. I think, worry, have no energy, dont do anything, get stressed, and then disapointed because through all that I hope for the best. Well who ever has read this, (which would probably be my Mum.), you probably think im crazy, or a bit weird. Thats ok, cause at the moment, I don't really care what you think of me. I can be craazy, and I know I am weird. I have to accept that I think way to much almost beyond my capacity to think, my brain might even explode soon. So if it does, just know i would be in a better place. A place unlike this world. It doesn't hold anger, or judgement, a place where I wouldn't feel emotionally and physically drained, a place where I can dance all the time, and have joy 24/7. But I love my life, i guess its full of adventure. Sometimes i want more, and sometimes i want less of somethings. Including school and work. It would be great if I could stand on my own, and choose to do the things God has planned for me. Like go to America (where i obviously want to go). Go help those who need another hand. Travel to countries like Europe and Asia. Eat a frog leg or two. Thats the kind of adventure i would love to endure in. So fingers crossed. Hopefully one day. :) well i think I've rambled on enough now. -- Kath