It’s amazing how different you can feel to the world. To everyone you’re just a mere human, a friend, and someone they know. People know me, they can see me for who I am. But we all block out some part of our lives, either to certain people, because it can be uncomfortable, or our past can effect our future. Me well, I see myself as being the girl next door. Though, in a way I feel like next door is miles away. I can’t figure out if I’m miles ahead or I’m the one whose miles behind.
People often say that you can be an open book, my book seems to be closed of to the world. Not because I want my life to feel private, but because I simply don’t know how to speak out, about anything. Fear, anxiety, and myself seem to get in the way of my voice. Maybe its my self I have to blame. I have many pages you could say. some interesting, and some not so interesting, but I have a story. Day to day, we all have a story. My story is just waiting, not sure what for yet. I know we all figure it out eventually. And one day our own book and our chapters will end.
At the moment, I’m trying to figure myself out. I mean, I obviously know who I am, and what my values are. I guess I’m trying to find a real purpose. With just finishing year 12, we can feel pressured to know exactly what we want to do. Well I do know what I want in life, as I said I know my values. I guess I’m trying to figure out my next step, or what is actually going to happen for me next.
Dreams and hope, come to mind when I think of my future and what I’d like to get out of it. But Dreams and hope, also change, like our values. As we get older, we want different things, we see things differently, and sometimes life can dramatically change.
Recently, I have been in a situation, that changed the way I saw things, and the way things worked out, were not how I hoped. And this happens in life. Our hope, can sometimes become what we want to value most. The situation soon flooded my mind for days, and I couldn’t stop thinking about anything else. I let the situation, become something that it wasn’t, which only lead into utter disappointment. Only then did I realise I had to pretend I didn’t care.
Sometimes I think It’s at out weak point when God decides to use us. That same week, God used me. I had the strangest feeling to act on something. And I did, because It was exciting, and new, and for once that week, I wanted to influence someone else’s life, instead of hoping everyone else would influence mine.
God really showed me more opportunities, with strangers. It’s amazing how I, just the girl next door can share Gods love to others. And why not? There’s nothing better to do on this earth.
