Learning in love.

Sometime life comes back to bit me in the butt. I had a realization, where my past came back and effected my future.
I saw a film the other day with some friends. It was a Japanese film called "Still the water". It was a deep, slow moving film that had a variety of emotions. In the second scene one of the main characters is walking along the shallow water on the beach at night. And long story short, they find a body facing down in the water.
You're probably thinking that its no different to any other film out where bodies are found and people die.. but to me, this particular scene hit home. Especially because I was' t expecting it. Some of you may know that in the early summer days of 2012 a few friends and myself found a dead body in the shallow waters of Chelsea beach. A few of us had gone down in the evening for a little adventure on a hot day. The water was clear and still very warm. I don't want to give all the details because it is a long story but man did they come back to the surface when I watched this scene. I found myself trying to hold back loud sobs with tears streaming down my face, and the fore front of my mind was replaying over in my head what I had seen on that night.. It's funny how something can still effect you so emotionally today the same as a few years ago. Not only emotionally, but spiritually..

It was a busy night along the beach. The water and air was still warm. There were a few people out and about. As we were standing waiting for some other friends to arrive, I noticed a dark shadow about 15 meters away from us. Remember it was dark so it was a faint shadow, but it still stood out. At first I was scared it could be a shark, I joked that it would eat me. Another one of my friends had joked "how funny would it be if it were a dead body". Little did we know how little funny it was.
As we got close the shape of this "object" got more apparent. With what like felt seconds, I was running back to the car to get my phone so we could shine a light to see what it really was. It was a body.
All I remember was running back to shore, my heart pounding in my chest. For all of us there our natural instincts took over, I was calling triple 0, Jenny (my sister) pacing and who knows what else. Josh and Daz (the guys with us) were dragging the body out of the water and started CPR almost immediately without question. I asked a few people who were still around if they had seen or even noticed anything because we had only just arrived. No one had any idea... as I was on the phone and waiting for the ambulance to arrive, all I could do was pray. "God have your way, God hold this person in your arms, God heal him, God may your Holy Spirit come". I was in shock and speaking in tongues. I had no idea what I was doing.. I just knew I had to pray, and pray hard.
About 10 minutes later the Ambulance arrived and pronounced the deceased dead on arrival. That whole time Daz and Josh were doing CPR. After we had to go to the police station, and give statements etc.... anyway, I'll post my statement I dug up yesterday after seeing the film. I wrote the night after finding Jimmy, (read it, or don't). It was written a while ago, but explains what happened in detail... 

30/11/12

Last night was possibly the most horrific and scariest, God filled and emotional nights of my life. I can’t even begin to describe what happened, just because it’s still so surreal. It was one of those nights where, I actually wanted it to be a dream, and one I woke up from- fast. Yet that didn’t happen at all. Instead, everything was real, the things I saw with my own eyes that scared me the most, were right there in front of me. And now every time I close my eyes I get those taunting images again.

It all started with a few of us heading down to the beach. Daz, Josh Jen and myself drove in one car, whilst Justin, Jordan and Robin headed down in a separate car. With the roads having a de-tour we arrived before the others. Our conversation down to the beach involved talking about what colours go together and what colours clash. Also the boys were saying how much they wanted a burger.  We got out of the car and gathered our things. Being a 38 degree day, by this time (10:30) it was still a nice 25 degrees. And even though it was night, we were going to swim.

It was a busy night on the beach and we were surprised of how many people were there. The others hadn’t arrived yet and we decided to head down to the water, having no reception they would have to meet us there anyways. The water was a little bit colder than expected, but since we had come- we decided to go in anyway. We put down our things and started heading into the water. About knee deep in- I saw a shadow in front of us about 10meters away. Thinking it could be a stingray/shark or seaweed, I wanted to know what it was before we went out any deeper. I asked Josh and Daz to go a bit closer to see if they could figure out what it was, so we could continue with our swim. We all got a little closer, Josh thought it might be a rock. By this point it was about 4 meters away. When it was about two meters away, being dark it was hard to see, but the boys jokingly mentioned “ it  looks like it has legs and arms”. Not knowing 100% what it was, and the shadow having a shape of a body, we needed a light to see better. “Quick go get a light”- josh said to me. All of a sudden this rush came over me and the next 30 minutes of my life would change me forever. All I remember doing is instantly sprinting back to the car, grabbing my phone and it felt as though in seconds I was back in the water handing my phone/light to Josh. Instantly by shining the light, we knew it was  body. In this moment- it was like all of us were being controlled, none of us even thought of what to do. It was one of those moments where you had no idea what to do, but the instinct in us all- took over and we were now all shockingly taking control of the situation.

I ran out of the water and onto the beach, to ask 3 other people if they had noticed anything, if they knew him, or if they even knew there was a body out there. But no one had any idea.

In seconds I was calling triple zero, Dave and Josh immediately started doing CPR on the body. I couldn't see fully who it was, all I knew is that he was dark skinned and a male, about our age.  Praying hard, whislt on the phone, basically hyperventilating, I had no idea what to do or say, yet at the same time I was doing exactly what I needed to do with out even thinking, and my mind was actually spinning. It didn't feel real, but yet it was there. Knowing that this boy had been dead for a while I said we needed police, so I got in contact with the police and told them our where abouts on the beach.

The phone call was then directed through to the ambulance. They told me to wait on the street for them, so before I knew it still praying, I was running to the street. By this time I was off the phone, I found my self jumping and praying, not knowing what else I could say to God to save this boy. I think all of us wanted to just smack him, and say “in the name of Jesus”.

Still waiting about 5 minutes later the police arrived, I ran to the police cars, and told them where they were located on the beach. Some of the police members walked down to where Josh and Daz were giving CPR. I noticed that during this time Jordan, Justin and Robin had arrived.

As I was standing in the car park, I was with one police man, I told him what happened, he took down my details and we walked towards the water where CPR was still taking place. 3 minutes later and the MICA ambulance arrived.  I didn't know what to do with myself or the situation still, by this point there wasn't much I could do. Looking at the body was hard, I was just waiting for him to get up and start breathing. But he didn't.

On arrival and once Daz and Josh stopped reviving him the paramedics took over and pronounced him dead. They placed a blanket over him. It was strange that the shadow in the water I was scared of, became the most saddest, scariest and most eventful thing I have ever faced. We were all praying in tongues, and praying so hard.

The first thing Daz said to me, with blood all over his orange and white shorts was “Do these colours go together?” although he was joking, because we were all in shock I think joking about it, was our way with dealing with what just happened.

I could see Josh and Daz, didn't really know what to do either. I walked over to Daz, he was standing near the body, and the police surrounded the scene. Daz had blood on his shorts, and on the side of his cheek where he had been touching the body and giving him mouth to mouth. Still shaking because of what just happened, I asked if the boys were okay. They seemed okay, there just wasn’t much else they could do.

I walked over to where I had placed my towel before everything had happened. Robin came and asked if I was okay, I didn’t exactly know what to say. But he just hugged me.

 I txt my mum “long story mum, found a dead body on the beach, with police now”. her response was “???....You pulling my leg, tell me you are joking?” … I wish I could tell her I was. I called her and told her that I wasn't joking, I think she could hear in my voice I wasn’t kidding.

We walked up to where all the police cars were, It still didn’t exactly feel real. I had to call But as I looked back, saw the blanket covering the body, looked at everyone’s stunned faces, blood all over Daz, josh having know idea what to, the police were now blocking off the beach, and the police continued to ask for everyone’s details.

The police wanted statements from Daz, Josh, Jen and I. So we followed them to the police station. Giving a statement wasn’t hard, though the policeman I was with had no idea how to type and actually put my words onto the screen, so it took a lot longer then it should have. As I sat there going through what had just happened, I still couldn’t believe it.

At about 11:30, we were all finished doing our statements. I felt physically sick. We walked out of the station and Robin, Justin, Jordan and Wes were waiting for us. We decided to all meet back at Nunawading maccas.

As we were driving back, all I wanted to do was worship, but every song we had on made it harder to worship because of the lyrics. Josh called his parents, and Daz called his dad. We were all so shocked, all we could do is laugh, and not take it seriously. Daz said” I’m never coming to the beach with you guys again” jokingly. It was hard to take anything seriously.. Still now I find it hard to take it seriously. Mel  Davis called me as soon as we got in the car, I didn’t exactly know what to say.

We walked into maccas, holding onto my phone and my statement. There were some people from stairway sitting inside, Daz knew them. Of course it’s not something you just tell people. So when they asked what we were doing we said  “we were at the beach”. There respose was normal “Oh nice”, Daz just said “yeah you should of come”… I looked at him and said “Goooooood joke” and we were both in laughter. Sitting at the table, all we could do is laugh, which I didn’t think would be a normal response to what had just happened. But its all we could do.

We all headed back to my house were my parents and Josh’s parents were waiting. We walked inside, but we all didn’t exactly know what to say. I got Daz some toothpaste to wash his mouth out. And we headed out to the kitchen again. I didn’t have any words, all I had were pictures running through my head, how quickly everything had happened, and how consumed we were with God, that without thinking we all just acted.

 ABOVE: Chelsea beach taken the first time I got to go back after 30/11/2012

Although it was a terrible , although it was exhausting and something I wish no one to have to experience. That night I believe with my whole heart we were placed on that beach to fight for this boys spirit. God wanted him, and the devil was trying to steal him. All of us were praying over him and for God to have his way. So although we may have gone on an adventure, God had bigger plans and a greater purpose for us. 

I later learnt that this boy was around 17 years old, and his name was Jimmy. He had a family and played soccer. He was just a normal kid, and somehow had drowned that day.

It's funny and weird how God works. Often it's when we least expect or in ways we never realize.
Sometimes we cant feel him, sometimes we can.
Sometimes we don't even know he can move, until we encounter his grace and love.
Sometimes we don't even ask for it, and sometimes He shows us in other people how his power manifests in our souls.
He is there. And He is here.
No matter how this world has convinced you, no matter what disappointment you have faced, no matter the doubt that sinks into your mind. God is there.
That night we were not expecting such an experience. Not many people know this but that night when we were at the police station I got to have a conversation with a girl. She was running, hurt, drunk, probably on drugs and had just been raped by her boyfriend. She had no where to go. Although I only got to talk to her for about 5 minutes, and I was still in shock and didn't want to deal with anything else right now. But my heart poured out for her... I got to listen and to tell her about hope. Although I didn't get to pray with her, I said I would. And although I was a random stranger, she was grateful that I even cared enough to ask if she was ok.

You know God, He never changes, it's us that become so caught up in consuming other things, that it almost becomes impossible for our brain to consider God working and overcoming the impossibles in your life.
No matter how far you feel from God, no matter if you have done the worst of bad things, no matter how broken you may feel,  no matter what circumstances or troubles hold you down, God loves you. He doesn't care about where you have been, what you have done. He doesn't want you just for the good parts of you but all of you.
He wants all of you.

Some may be reading this not knowing who God is. No understanding how someone who has become so unapparent in our world, wants to have a longing relationship with you!
Well, He does.

Just like Jimmy. Even though He may not of known God here on earth. He cared enough to send 4 faithful random friends to pray over him and fight for his spirit. God cares THAT much. And as much as it was a horrible experience, I have never been so in tune with the Holy Spirit, and I'm so very grateful to be apart of Gods amazing plans.

I know for sure, that God is real. He is moving, His power can overcome anything, His love conquers and covers the world, His grace abounds the deepest of oceans, and His heart wants yours.

There has been many occasions in my own life where I have experienced His Love in my life and the Holy Spirit moving through and around me. For some this may sounds crazy, and even to me, it is. I can explain how God works, no one can understand how He works. I just know and believe he does in His own way and timing.
How do I know this?
Because I have a relationship with the living God. Because I believe Jesus gave his life for our/my sins, and I have accepted Jesus in my heart.
Something I struggle to grasp sometimes is the Holy Spirit even though I have had so many encounters. How can we truly believe that we can do the same things Jesus did?
Because He has given us the Holy spirit. It's for us! We just have to trust Him and learn in His love. 

God and the Holy Spirit is something I defiantly cannot put into a sentence. God isn't something we can put in a box. Or something we can comprehend.  Something I often catch myself doing is being caught up in our culture or in my own little world. It's easy to go on with life feeling content. We have everything we need, and have access to anything we could want.. so why stop and sacrifice things in order for God to work?
Well because He will bless us more then we could ever of imagined. In ways we don't think are possible, yet somehow God knows our every being, He knows the way to our hearts.
I don't ask for bad things to happen or to experience hard things. But how can we truly grow, trust and learn in His love without it?  And the more we give to Him the more of His power, strength, love and grace He will pour into our lives.
You may be thinking it's easy for me to say, how come I'm not feeling or experiencing God in the way that you are or say we can? Its true, I've caught myself looking at other peoples personal experiences and blessings, its easy to look at someone else's life and see an abundance of blessings, and not see how many we have. And for all those wondering, it has taken me a long time to trust, rely, see and seek God in the way I do now.

It doesnt just happen. It is a gradual process. It takes relying on God fully in hard times and bad but also in the best of times. It takes me making a way for God in my life and seeking him whole heartedly to fully trust and obey God.
I could of run away on that beach, I could of stepped into the situation and not done anything. I didn't have to pray for this boy, I was never asked to. But when you seek Gods love in your life, He gives you a piece of it. And all you want to do is try the best you can to love His creation. His Children.
My life, well it's a journey, one that has its ups and downs, but one that will always have a true purpose and foundational faith.
Be encouraged to seek God in your own life, to keep trusting in Him and learn in His love. It's the best kind of adventure.

Matthew 7:7

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

Peace,
Kath

Constant world wars.

Hello there. Fellow readers, friends, people or strangers.. whom ever you may be. Hope your life is being blessed and abundantly filled with goodness and grace. And sunshine warms your soul, or the rain cleanses your spirit.

So I really wanted to rant about certain topics and things that have constantly frustrated me over the past few weeks. As it would be pretty easy to. But I feel my frustration with worldly things and complaining about how worldy everyone else is, is me being hypocritical,  because complaining is worldly.  And if it's one thing,  complaining isn't going to make the situations any better.  Or do you or I any good. Plus I know I find myself loving worldly things.. after all we are all human.  But words really do say a lot and mean more then just simple words.
I've come to the conclusion... I can't change anyone elses attitude but my own. I can't change the way someone feels towards me, I can only be me.  And I can either choose to move pass disapointment or dwell on it.
I'm not saying complaining makes anything in your life or mine easier, because it doesn't. I think I'd just prefer to write positively,  instead or wrestling with my bottling thoughts.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like would be like as a book? How many pages it would have so far, the amount of chapters you have had, how far you have come and where life has taken you. The story you have created.and the character that you've become.
The rest of the pages are empty. We don't know what they hold yet. But each decision in our life determines the pages we will have. (Cheesy I know)
Or
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to look back from 10, 20, 30, or 50 years from now. Look how far you have come, what you achieved or done?
I know it can be hard to imagine even 5 years from now. But how wierd is it going to be when we actually get to look back. All the people in your life, all the struggles you would of had, the trials, good times, memories .....everything.

No doubt all the obstacles we are facing now will feel so small, will seem so insignificant. So why is it, that in the moments they seem huge? Like our world is going to end?
When we will realise that trusting in God doesn't mean we then go on worring about our job status, doesn't mean we need to worry about what people think, what to wear, who to impress, where we will go or what we will do. As long as we look to Him, we're all good.
And I know it's easy to say and it sounds all fine and dandy. But how do you know it works, until you fully trust Him and hand over your life?

In a way, Im actually glad we have different chapters, or seasons in our lives. Although sometimes I'd rather fly to the moon then deal with issues here. I guess life would be kinda boring and we wouldn't learn and grow. We wouldn't know how to invest our time, Because it is so short, and soon we will enter God's kingdom. A question I ask myself regularly, and should more often.. Do you have Kingdom values?
Are you living a life full of Christ, and full of His glory?... buliding His kingdom?

For me, there is always more. Always something I need to pray about or change in my timing and make it Gods.
For example, I need to stop being frustrated at other people, and rather change something in my own heart that reflects forgivness and grace to my frustrations.  I want to see everyone who knows God, love him with all their heart. Not give in to the world and be selfish. I don't want to see people emotionally attached to technology, or believe lies about them self.  Fall into tempation or lust. The devil works around your mind, twists and shapes your thinking. Blinds us from the truth.and makes us feel like it should be black and white. Sure somethings are black and white... but a lot of the time in life we have grey areas... choices we get to make. We just to make sure we have the foundation values God has given us in His word.
This doesn't mean we get it right all the time, because we don't. I don't. But we have the reassurance that God still believes and Loves us, so we can continually trust in Him.

And it is hard. Living in two worlds. This one, and His Kingdom. But that's part of the challenge. He has already equiped you and me with the grace, love, passion, strength and power to endure these hardsips. To stand firm in His name, to win the battle of the world wars. I don't k ow about you... but I know I definatly would prefer to know that my hope is secure. That even though this world has it's ups and downs, that His Kingdom will come and all my fears and failures will be lost. And all that is left is His love that I let Him pour through me, the works of His love sown into the hearts around me.
That's all that matters. Why?
Because He has already won.

Romans 12:1-2

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Peace & love
xx Kath