The things I would say.

I don't know how to tell if I've let you go, how can you?
 You always seem to still be there. No matter how hard I try, you always seem to stay. Even though I was broken. you broke me, maybe used me, I think. Unless I took the fall and I broke myself for a reason I thought would stay. And you do, just not in that way! So maybe I should blame myself for playing your games. 
I guess I've tried to stop, told my heart it was broken enough on that cold April night- even before that time, I was breaking on the inside. I needed to find me again, me without the love and care I poured into you.. I was tired of being so run down. I tried to convince myself I deserve better, but I dont think it will ever work, somehow I will always have so much respect, honor, and love for you, even though you broke me in two.  
I was so broken for so long. I can't even begin to explain the pain I felt when you left. I struggled more knowing that it was easy for you to let go of our friendship, after I was there for you for so long. I would hear your name, your voice in my head, and just about cry, And I know you know what that feels like.. Memories pass- the good and bad, and tears would stream down my face like it happened all over again. I struggled and there were days I wished I had never met you, times where I wish I hadn't cared so much, and times where I wanted to run to you because I couldn't help but care still.. 
 Now I realize where I was weak and made you strong. Times where I fell, and without knowing it picked me up. Whenever you were broken, I was there, because you knew I cared. I guess you used it to your advantage. I get confused, a little upset, because I can't decide if you ever cared at all, and if you still do? 
It's a question I may never know the answer to. 
Now I see where all my strength and love went- to you.
And so my time and my heart gave in. I loved you. 
I don't know what your plan was, to drag me along? All I know is what's done, is done. 

I fell in love and had so much hope. I wanted to be that one for you, although I knew I couldn't be. I guess I cant figure out why. Maybe that's why you're still there, maybe it's why I still care. 

I'm doing better, I know I'm okay. but there must be deeper healing to be done
Now i'll take this time to seek my one true love, who I really need. 
Jesus is my rock and my foundation, He is my True and only Love. I know I loved you for a reason, and I know it was a season. I guess I still have questions, and thats why I will constantly wonder. 

For now I'll except the time we shared, the words that were said and how I cared. 
I'll burn the seeds my heart grew for you, after all it's all I can do. 
A new chapter, something new, just gotta figure out how to say goodbye, cause I just miss you. 

Seasons of 2013

Well friends, it has actually been super log since I last blogged. Why? I have no idea... Time passes way to quickly for my liking these days.
Anyway, it has defiantly been and interesting year for me so far.. It has had its ups and downs, highs and lows. I think I have grown more in my faith, and in my relationship with God. Which is amazing, He may not have used the best circumstances but hey, everything happens for the greater purpose of Him. So, as much as it was challenging, heart breaking, and painful, relationships have been torn, as well as myself emotionally and spiritually. I know I will come out on top of all of this, because God is my rock, and my only strength.

Have you ever loved?
You most likely have. I'm not talking about family, friends or pets, I mean loved.
Let your heart get away, given your heart away.

I have.
It was an adventure, Well I guess that's what love is. It's sharing yourself, and putting someone else's needs above your own.
I loved, and lost.
But I basically lost what I never had. I had my heart torn away and I had to find myself again, because I was so lost in the "love" I had created.

It is a choice, to love. Although I lied to myself for way too long about if I did love or not.
I knew I did, but I couldn't admit it out loud, because I knew deep down that it wasn't right. I just wanted, hoped it would be, one day.

Time passed, people changed, I supported, still hoped, and never let go. Even though it was killing my to hold on, It would of killed me more to let go, because i loved too much.

One day it will all make sense, and it's starting to.. slowly.
I will always still care, I can't but not. Because once you love, it's hard not to let it go. because it's so great. he's so great.

I consider myself blessed, blessed to love and be loved by my one true love, Jesus.
Seasons of life happen. And so winter comes to a near end, happier days are ahead. My joy alone comes from Jesus. his grace, strength and constant never failing love, is all that keeps me running to Him.
He is all I need.