Influenced

Have you ever been influenced? By what you hear, see, or what the people around you do..?

Well just the other night during prayer and worship, i saw how i, have been influenced in my past.

 In primary school and some of highschool, it wasn't as easy as one might think, i went through things that you might not expect... Bullying from day to day, hurt, anger, trials... i have faced these in my own ways. Im not saying i wish these things didn't happen, as we all go through things that make us become who we are today.

And I've realised, that im still that scared little girl sometimes. The girl that a teacher found in grade prep, in the fetal position because some stupid grade 6 boys decided to make a nasty influence that has scared her...though I am not all that little anymore, though i face bigger life decisions, bigger choices, and bigger fears. The fears that I faced when i was young, the hurt i faced when i was young, has affected me greatly in how i see things today, how i fear things today, and how i act today...

A lady was speaking at church the other night... she was saying that our brains, without even knowing it, fear, what we used to fear. That without even knowing it, our brains automatically think that way, the way where we put ourselfs down, where we are afraid of that same hurt, afraid of that same sittuation, and afraid of the influence.

And yet here i am, only now, realising that this has affected me in ways i hadn't known. I have grown, loved, lost, feared, and become who i am today. Without the love of My God and Savior Jesus Christ, i wouldn't be who i am today. In fact i would of gone off the rails, gone somewhere, where that fear would of taken me. But because of the Lord, i am saved. I don't have to fear.. for he is always with me.

breaking point.

Have you ever had a moment where you realise you have hit rock bottom?? or breaking point? well its been a long couple of weeks. including school, work, church, and other commitments, my parents being away and trying to contain the siblings from doing something stupid.
Well, as a result of life and its craziness, today at work, i hit rock bottom. With out going into all the dull details, i went to work, they stuffed up and went to send me home after an hour. So i was annoyed yes, as i had to skip class to get there on time. So i went to talk with the manager. I had gotten ready to head home, but turns out they still wanted me to work in another department,  i walked out of the office... trying to keep my head held high, and the tears from pouring out, i ran to the bathroom  and started crying, and alot.. with everything in me wanting to quit and run away, i sat down, and prayed. "God help me stay strong"  With everything else on top of my plate, i had hit breaking point.
I looked myself in the eye, and reminded myself 'Isaiah 41:10' - "do not be afraid, for i am always with you" - Jesus.
Instantly, i had peace, though still cut up in my tears i went and talked with the store manager, and it was resolved.
Though im stressing with everything, i know God is with me, he feels our hurt, and he knows our hearts.
So thanks God, just for being awesome, without you, i wouldn't know what i would do.
-- Kath