A story takes time, and time is a beautiful thing.

I've come to the conclusion that time although we age, is a beautiful thing. The other night was my cousin Benedicts school concert at Box Hill town hall. My aunty invited me, so I went a long to see him perform. A dew songs and some dancing.
As I was walking towards the hall, I saw in the distance my Grandma standing there. She always has a smile on her face and a warm welcome. She is one of those people anyone could get along with.
We walked in together to find my aunty and take a seat. As we were sitting and waiting- the hall was filling with loud kids and parents who wanted to sit as close to the front as possible. My Grandma leaned over to me and said with a massive smile on her face "I met your Grandpa here". Instantly my mind too me back 50 years, as she was describing their first meeting...
They both had gone dancing, ballroom dancing. (Yeah, guys actually did that back then). Apparently Grandpa spotted her on the other side of the room, and was instantly drawn towards her. So he gathered himself together and asks her to dance (how romantic). This particular dance my Grandma loved, so you can imagine her excitment.
If anyone knows my Grandma, she loves to talk. And thats what she did. As they danced, she went on and on about how much she loved this dance. Once the dance was over and she had finished talking; she stood back against the wall. The next song started.. and Grandma was waiting for him to ask her again. But he didn't. So She tought she had just made a fool of herself. Little did she know that he was waiting for the same type of dance to come on (her favorite) so he could ask her to dance a again..
The next week they met again, and then the next...
And from there on the rest is history. As I sat in the town hall watching my cousin perform, watching the time go past and seeing how time has the biggest impact on our lives. I looked across to my grandma, who once again sat in the same hall she met her husband in, only 50 years later watching one of her 10 Grand children perform. A massive smile on her face. I had a warm heart, my thoughts were filled with joy as I saw joy in her heart.  And it all started with a greeting and a dance..
One thing I have learnt from the past few months has been accepting time. Aceppting life as it comes. Our journies are all different, but they are for a greater purpose. We are created for a greater purpose.
Time is short, beautiful and strong, live every opportunity, create every moment, and live in todays time, tomorrows will come.

Breathe

That's what I tell myself every time I hear your name "Just breathe". A breath is all it can take to speak, to make someone fall, to make someone smile, to turn someones world upside down.  A breath is something in life, we take for granted. It's one thing that when used well, can be beautiful, and when abused can cause distruction.
We all go through loss, weather it be family, friends or relationships. It's never easy, it's never clear. Confusion comes, rejection comes, hurt and fear take place. The heart yearns for love.
It still seems to amaze me how time can change things, so radically and so suddenly.  Yet at the same time, the time that has changed things, seems so short.  When you look back on time, we seem to remember the good things- unless your heart was broken, or it hurt, something changed in you-  you remember it all.
I guess it can be a good thing, to realise the past, accept it and come to terms with it. We all learn from the past, mistakes or brokeness, joy and happiness, we learn who we are, but also become who we are.
I have learnt a lot recently, about myself, how I cope with time in heart ache and being me, in emotion and in this world.  I've come to the conclusion that all I need to overcome temptaions, trials, errors and in my weakness- All I need is His strength.
God controls time, time is in His hands. Aswell as my worries, my career, my relationships, my journey. All in His hands. I am beautiful, loved and seen as pure in Gods eyes, and that is all I need to satisfy all of me.
It's an easy thing to take for granted. After all salvation, and Gods grace is too big for our minds to even comprehend. So ofcourse it's going to be hard to accept someone like Jesus into your life...It just takes trust.
Life is like a photograph...God should be the focus point in our Lens- or in our lives- When we loose our focus point, it can become hard to see what the picture is meant to be of. It can be hard to realise our true purpose and creation.
So every time I have to take a deep breath and just...breathe. I look to Jesus. He is my fufillment, my peace, my Grace, Hope, forgiveness,  Love. He is my focus point. That way all I have to do continue to trust Him, allow Him to work through me, and enjoy the veiw. Sometimes my view aint so great, but it's what we have that makes me appreciate life and the view I do have- it's Gods unfailing, never changing, perfectly satisfying,  forever enduring love for me. It's all I will ever need.
Amen.

The things I would say.

I don't know how to tell if I've let you go, how can you?
 You always seem to still be there. No matter how hard I try, you always seem to stay. Even though I was broken. you broke me, maybe used me, I think. Unless I took the fall and I broke myself for a reason I thought would stay. And you do, just not in that way! So maybe I should blame myself for playing your games. 
I guess I've tried to stop, told my heart it was broken enough on that cold April night- even before that time, I was breaking on the inside. I needed to find me again, me without the love and care I poured into you.. I was tired of being so run down. I tried to convince myself I deserve better, but I dont think it will ever work, somehow I will always have so much respect, honor, and love for you, even though you broke me in two.  
I was so broken for so long. I can't even begin to explain the pain I felt when you left. I struggled more knowing that it was easy for you to let go of our friendship, after I was there for you for so long. I would hear your name, your voice in my head, and just about cry, And I know you know what that feels like.. Memories pass- the good and bad, and tears would stream down my face like it happened all over again. I struggled and there were days I wished I had never met you, times where I wish I hadn't cared so much, and times where I wanted to run to you because I couldn't help but care still.. 
 Now I realize where I was weak and made you strong. Times where I fell, and without knowing it picked me up. Whenever you were broken, I was there, because you knew I cared. I guess you used it to your advantage. I get confused, a little upset, because I can't decide if you ever cared at all, and if you still do? 
It's a question I may never know the answer to. 
Now I see where all my strength and love went- to you.
And so my time and my heart gave in. I loved you. 
I don't know what your plan was, to drag me along? All I know is what's done, is done. 

I fell in love and had so much hope. I wanted to be that one for you, although I knew I couldn't be. I guess I cant figure out why. Maybe that's why you're still there, maybe it's why I still care. 

I'm doing better, I know I'm okay. but there must be deeper healing to be done
Now i'll take this time to seek my one true love, who I really need. 
Jesus is my rock and my foundation, He is my True and only Love. I know I loved you for a reason, and I know it was a season. I guess I still have questions, and thats why I will constantly wonder. 

For now I'll except the time we shared, the words that were said and how I cared. 
I'll burn the seeds my heart grew for you, after all it's all I can do. 
A new chapter, something new, just gotta figure out how to say goodbye, cause I just miss you. 

Seasons of 2013

Well friends, it has actually been super log since I last blogged. Why? I have no idea... Time passes way to quickly for my liking these days.
Anyway, it has defiantly been and interesting year for me so far.. It has had its ups and downs, highs and lows. I think I have grown more in my faith, and in my relationship with God. Which is amazing, He may not have used the best circumstances but hey, everything happens for the greater purpose of Him. So, as much as it was challenging, heart breaking, and painful, relationships have been torn, as well as myself emotionally and spiritually. I know I will come out on top of all of this, because God is my rock, and my only strength.

Have you ever loved?
You most likely have. I'm not talking about family, friends or pets, I mean loved.
Let your heart get away, given your heart away.

I have.
It was an adventure, Well I guess that's what love is. It's sharing yourself, and putting someone else's needs above your own.
I loved, and lost.
But I basically lost what I never had. I had my heart torn away and I had to find myself again, because I was so lost in the "love" I had created.

It is a choice, to love. Although I lied to myself for way too long about if I did love or not.
I knew I did, but I couldn't admit it out loud, because I knew deep down that it wasn't right. I just wanted, hoped it would be, one day.

Time passed, people changed, I supported, still hoped, and never let go. Even though it was killing my to hold on, It would of killed me more to let go, because i loved too much.

One day it will all make sense, and it's starting to.. slowly.
I will always still care, I can't but not. Because once you love, it's hard not to let it go. because it's so great. he's so great.

I consider myself blessed, blessed to love and be loved by my one true love, Jesus.
Seasons of life happen. And so winter comes to a near end, happier days are ahead. My joy alone comes from Jesus. his grace, strength and constant never failing love, is all that keeps me running to Him.
He is all I need.