Seasons of 2013

Well friends, it has actually been super log since I last blogged. Why? I have no idea... Time passes way to quickly for my liking these days.
Anyway, it has defiantly been and interesting year for me so far.. It has had its ups and downs, highs and lows. I think I have grown more in my faith, and in my relationship with God. Which is amazing, He may not have used the best circumstances but hey, everything happens for the greater purpose of Him. So, as much as it was challenging, heart breaking, and painful, relationships have been torn, as well as myself emotionally and spiritually. I know I will come out on top of all of this, because God is my rock, and my only strength.

Have you ever loved?
You most likely have. I'm not talking about family, friends or pets, I mean loved.
Let your heart get away, given your heart away.

I have.
It was an adventure, Well I guess that's what love is. It's sharing yourself, and putting someone else's needs above your own.
I loved, and lost.
But I basically lost what I never had. I had my heart torn away and I had to find myself again, because I was so lost in the "love" I had created.

It is a choice, to love. Although I lied to myself for way too long about if I did love or not.
I knew I did, but I couldn't admit it out loud, because I knew deep down that it wasn't right. I just wanted, hoped it would be, one day.

Time passed, people changed, I supported, still hoped, and never let go. Even though it was killing my to hold on, It would of killed me more to let go, because i loved too much.

One day it will all make sense, and it's starting to.. slowly.
I will always still care, I can't but not. Because once you love, it's hard not to let it go. because it's so great. he's so great.

I consider myself blessed, blessed to love and be loved by my one true love, Jesus.
Seasons of life happen. And so winter comes to a near end, happier days are ahead. My joy alone comes from Jesus. his grace, strength and constant never failing love, is all that keeps me running to Him.
He is all I need.

Where am I going?

There is a question we all come across in life and that's "where are we going".
And it's pretty relevant to every part and stage of our life. Where are you going?
Well, it's a simple answer. We don't exactly know. Times change, our hearts change and values in life change. Often sometimes, sometimes rarely. But we all face change.
it's a normal aspect if life. There's change for the good, but there is also bad change. And in life we face both the bad and the good. And sooner or later we have to face it, deal with it, and keep moving forward. No matter how hard it is to forget the people we have met along the way, the journey that is about to end or the chapter in life that we are passing through.
There's going to be a new chapter when old ones end.
New chapters come with seasons of work, friendships, relationships, change and different seasons. But life goes on.
I know it can be hard though, to keep moving when your stuck in the past or in the reality you want to be living in, then what you should be living in.

Which reminds me of something. Have you ever poured your heart out to someone- been completely real- and completely open?
I have. And I've recently learnt that emotions and fear can get in the way. As humans we can often have fear about what certain emotions can lead to.
Which can also lead to relationships and situations being broken from the insecure emotions we feel.
I've felt this. This emptiness after a close friend decides to stop talking to you, the pain you feel when you can't understand why, the emotions start to drag on because you want to know and understand- but you can't begin to explain how you feel- let alone what to say or do- cause you might make the whole situation worse. So you have a choice- to move on or keep stuck. Which is hard when someone means that much to you that you don't want to move on.
You know the hardest part of moving on? Is letting go.
It is defiantly not an easy thing. You need grace peace and patients. I find I also often need to have a full understanding of situations. I often find myself stuck because I want to know why the situation ended. We are all at different spits in life right? We are all growing differently yet together at once. Which is hard because we are going to clash and not understand certain things, yet we want to.
It's hard when our emotions can be completely unsure.
This is why we smile, say things like "I'm fine" and move on.
I guess facing some situations can be difficult just because you have no idea how they are going to end.
So we still keep hope. Hoping that things will work out, everything will smooth over and life can go on happily.

We don't know where we are going in life. But we are all growing and moving forward.
Our stories and situations on journeys grow and shape us to who we are. So remember that even when life is tough- you will only come out stronger.

Finding grace in the midst our own emotions.

To start with, 

I haven't blogged in a very long time, so ill start with Hi. Hello, and Hey. 

It has been about 4 months since I last wrote. It seems a lot hasn't exactly happened. But at the same time a lot has happened. Maybe not in life, but in my heart. I warn you now, this all comes from me. Which means if it's boring, if it's too much for you- I'm sorry. But I heard a quote once "Don't say sorry for being honest". So maybe, just maybe... I'm not that sorry. And it's hard for me to be honest- though I'm learning that being myself is possibly the most hardest- yet easiest thing to do. Anyways... 

I have been challenged in small and big ways, in my faith and in the choices that life brings. 

I have grown in my faith, not just my faith for God, but my faith for people. Like I said in my April post I grew a lot in God and how I see this world. I have been trying to live out how I feel towards people and the way I see people. I try and see people for the way God has created them. Not how the world has created them. God makes all things good and this world brings hurt, pain and confusion. 

Over the past 2 months I've learnt a lot about how to respond to these things. Some days over these months I have found myself cringing at the thought of emotions or feelings cause honestly- they can suck. It can be easy to know how you feel, but is it from your heart, or your head? Trying to understand this can be kind of daunting. 

It's not an easy thing to be sitting on top of conflict, it's not an easy thing to be sitting in pain, or pretending that you're heart isn't getting torn into pieces.  But using all your own hurt and pain to respond in a way that isn't right; only creates more of it.  But how do you begin to move on, or get over the pain when you don't want to face the conflict or hurt the other people around you, or make something an issue when it shouldn't be? We all have our issues, our troubles and challenges in life, and that's okay- it's how we learn grown and encourage one another in our own journeys. 

 I think I've often found myself being stuck in this place lately; where my own battles come from the people who are closest to me, where we are in fact challenged by the people we love, because of their importance, and their heart. When you get to know someone and their heart, your own heart can often be challenged, conflict can step in and you have to face it. If the friendship is important to you, you have to talk things out, and before everything- you have to put God first. 

 Have you ever had moments in life where you have so much to say, your heart and soul just wants to start singing to the world all these different words.. And then when you get the chance, you get in the moment where the opportunity arises, you then stand there, with your mind skipping through everything that you once thought that can't pick out what to say. Your heart beats 10 times faster, your body just freezes and you start to look a little crazy... Its a natural tendency and sometimes I don't think our bodies can help it. Unfortunately,

I have way to many of those moments.

Have you ever thought you knew someone really well? Then one day you wake up and you realize that you don't actually know them as well as you think. Or they meant 80% more to you, just the other day. A lot of it is to do with our choice on how we choose to love people. Often we can find ourselves in "un-even" friendships or relationships. Where it isn't as emotionally even as you thought.. You find that the other person is way more important to you, then you are to them. And I can tell you, it is not an easy thing to realize. Your emotions are constantly unstable. Worry, confusion and self esteem step in the way. which leaves you questioning relationships. And when you start questioning relationships, you generally start questioning the person. It isn't healthy. It leaves you feeling like the friendship doesn't exist, in the way you want it to. But it mostly makes you feel disappointed. Because we all want love. 

Thinking seems to take over my mind quite a bit, (obviously) and if you know me well, you would know that I think about things until they are sorted out, or until the conflict has gone or until I full understand where everyone stands and how they feel.  Maybe because I want to try and see the best out of situations, or my relationships with people. I want to make sure everyone is going to be okay, so that I can be okay. People mean a lot to me, especially the people I'm closest with. Though with friendships- you have to work at them, like any relationship. If you don't the friendship of course isn't as strong, or as intimate. (intimate is a weird word).

Also, if you know me well enough; you would know that quality time means a lot to me. The more time I spend with you- the more I feel close, and the more I value the friendship. Probably because I feel like you value me more. Which when I think about it, is kind of stupid. But hey. 

What's hard is when you care so much about someone, and it then starts to feel like they don't care about you. Once again this is where disappointment, hurt and confusion come crushing you, because emotionally you don't know where the friendship stands.  

But how do you begin to explain to someone that they are un-intentionally hurting you? How do you begin to explain that to anyone. You cant. Because it's only going to hurt them. And I don't like to intentionally hurt people. Part of being a good friend for people, is having to let go all your emotions to be able to support them, and love them despite our differences and our own struggles. Because that's what God has called us to do. To love as he loves, and to do it with your every being.   

So, I found myself in this situation where I was being un-intentionally hurt, because my emotions were getting spun into the business, and craziness of life. I left my self esteem drift, and I was letting what I heard and what other people thought get ahead of the truth. The truth can be hard to differentiate, especially when your lost in your own mind.  Though I was trying to figure out these situations, at the same time I was being grown and serving, and loving. It's amazing how much grace you can have when you least expect it. When you are being constantly get at. 

The truth that I have found is- You and I are worth more. Worth more then the pain and the hurt, the disappointment and confusion we all go through time to time. Yes- it's not an easy concept to live out day to day, and we can drift, and let the our struggles become bigger. And they do, that happens, it's a constant battle. But this is how we learn and grow. We learn more about ourselves and how we react to differences.

When we give everything to God, we have to understand that His way is the only way. 

I've learnt that as humans we naturally want to take control, or take charge at a situation. Because "we know best". Well we often don't. 

We have to learn to be still in his presence and listen to him. We have to be obedient to his ways. We have to listen to His voice. Because when we are patient, and obedient- he's only going to work for the good. 

If you're wondering how my situations panned out- my answer is- I am trying to be obedient. Listen to God, be filled with his grace and mercy. Learning more about God- I find that I am more and more satisfied. Seeing all the good- instead of all the bad. Completely desiring his pure love in my world. And when we desire God- his love his going to be poured out into our hearts, where we find the peace and grace. And all the hurt and pain soon slip away, because of the love God has for us and forgiveness we can have for the people around us, because He constantly forgives us. And it's a challenge, to live and love the way God wants us to. Like he loves us. But in all seriousness- Challenge accepted. 

Yep- that's the end. 

Peaceeeee

Ironic?

Well this may in fact sound Ironic, but I'm actually finding it hard to find a time and a place.
Though I have faith and trust that I will soon. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is myself, and where I am meant to be at the moment. Also trying to figure out where I am meant to be has opened up my mind to other questions like "Is where I am meant to be for now"? Or "where in my life am I meant to take the next step, or move on"?
Its hard when you go through one massive chapter of life not knowing when the next one is going to come around, or what it is, or if it will actually happen. We all have dreams and desires in life, but at what point can we put them before needs and before we figure out how to get to those? Who knows if I'm making any sense, basically what I'm trying to say is, how will we ever know where we are meant to be in life? All it ever seems to be is finding where you belong, or finding exactly what you want to do and getting there. Getting where? A place where once we have what we want, or having been working hard to get... I think we are never going to be content in this life. It is only through the cross that we can have life to the full. Even then as humans we are broken. we can pick out the bad more from the good, because we are hurt and have been hurt. Though in tough situations, and discomfort in our hearts we will always have salvation. Even if I don't know where I'm headed in this life, I know where this one will lead.
Just some thoughts for tonight.

Kath

Growing myself in God.

Ever since I was a baby, Mum and Dad have always taught us, the value of having God and Jesus as our Lord and savior. Here is a part of my story from recent times....

For a while now, I have been putting off writing. Normally day-to-day, I write. Some may call it a journal, me- I call it my Journey book. It's where I write out my feelings, say what I've done during the days, what temptations and situations I have faced. I become raw, with myself. I haven't written that book in a while, and I think it is because my mind is trying to keep its self, from its self. Which my mind its-self can't exactly understand. Confusing huh? In other words I think the mind can be most frightened of its self.

I'll try and explain it. Every time, I say to myself "Okay, today I am going to write" I think up a bunch of things I can say. And then,  get distracted. Example: Tonight after contemplating writing, I sat down, and actually started to. About three lines in of writing this, I then needed to go and drive my sister to a friends house, in the pouring thunderstorm of rain. So it, of course took a lot longer then expected. So my mind didn't exactly get to end or write what I wanted to. So here I am making the most of it..

Have you ever felt a spiritual and emotional low before?
Well now it's my turn to be raw with you (who ever reads this).
It all began with a book. Something so simple, yet powerful to the mind. Words can change how we see things, situations, and can change how we see people. And this book did that for me.
I have many stories over the past few weeks that can relate to this. But I'll start from the beginning.
So this book- it was filled with wisdom and encouragement, on relationships, the heart and God. Basically after reading this book, my heart was changed for the better. To be honest I did in fact see my life differently, I saw people in different ways. Wanting to respect them for who they are and where they were at, just wanting to love them, for them. I no longer saw people in categories, everyone no matter who they were now could impact me just as much as I could impact them. after all we all have a story.  . I saw this world differently too, how love in this world can be low in love in some aspects.. But most of all, I saw God differently. In a good way of course. I saw God as the creator of all things good, more then ever before. And so though I have done it many times, this time, with all my heart and soul I gave every single corner of my heart to God, even the ones I didn't know about. And I tried my best to not leave one door shut, realizing that though I had still given my life to God, being human I still had control of certain things.. And with a breath of exhaustion and relief, I opened every door, and let God into every corner. Dark or not, he was going to be the center.
It started there, as far as I can tell life has been great ever since then. Family life was getting better, I felt better about who I was personally and in God.
Somethings are hard to explain and certain things I won't explain, but I felt as if God had taken the broken pieces of my life, the ones people didn't even know I cared for, the pieces of my life that were fragile and disturbed and didn't even know it..  and HE put them back where they should be. slowly but surely everything was coming together again. Family situations, friends, they were all becoming why I was happy. I put every bit of me and invested into relationships. Building others up.
Little did I know that when I was most happy the devil would use temptation, pain, hurt and guilt against me, and I was weak for it, because I was so happy. I would doubt. Suffering is still in this world, and will always be That's one thing we can't change, no matter who we are.
And all of a sudden, I became aware. More aware, of the sufferings, more aware of the pain and hurt the world brings. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not just talking about 3rd world countries, or where war happens. I was seeing war at home. Where we live, in a society that cares more about what they wear and how they look to the world then to themselves.

Like I said before how words can change how people see things. I saw the pain and hurt of words. Though the book I read gave me a positive experience on this, imagine what the opposite can do to someones heart.
I've seen lately that a simple " I don't like you" can turn someones world upside down.
Judging people, saying negative things about people, what good is that going to create? Yet we are stuck in a world where as humans we naturally do this. Why? I will never know.

I didn't really want to bore you with all this, It does sound a lot more intense in my mind.
Going on....
By this point,all I felt I could do was support, encourage and love everyone. In doing this, I then was getting annoyed at people way to easily. Seeing the flaws they had even more then what I did before, I began to become frustrated with them, finding it hard from where some people were coming from with their own ideas and thoughts. Though I still accepted and respected their thoughts and beliefs, I was gaining frustration towards people, and taking some things personally, which lead me to feel either betrayed, hurt, lost and discouraged.  All at once, again I was reminded, and I was aware of the emotional, physical and spiritual battle that goes on in each persons life. That there will be times where we clash, where we face crossed roads, and where the hearts of people won't always be content.
Realizing now that my love for God, and letting him work in my life was breaking my heart, because I did see the bad, the hurt and the suffering that people have, big or small. I was getting upset at the hurt that didn't have to be created, and was unnecessary. This for me, was emotionally, spiritually and physically draining. (As it would be for anyone).
Somehow through all of this, I have seen Gods strength in myself. The salvation that I have is beyond amazing, and the grace that I have been blessed with is incredible!

As for now, today, all I can do is keep trusting in God. There is defiantly always going to be though ground, bumpy roads and lows in this world. But God will always and forevermore reign over all things good and bad.

Finding it hard to know where to begin with this blog. I think trying to understand life and where I'm at is hard because though I know myself, I know that there is always room to grow, to understand, there is always going to be time, to take more to heart, to learn and to figure out where I am meant to be. Like my blogs name "there is a time and a place". we all have different times and places where we grow, love, hurt, suffer and endure the good and the bad. It's finding that balance in life where we are in that place, where we find peace. My peace is with Gods grace.
Tonight, I was challenged in ways I don't like to be challenged. Questions were brought up that I don't normally like to think about. Questions that are out of my hands, and only in Gods. These questions brought up things like death, hell and what is going to happen to us when we die. What I got out of it? Though we can pray for those and hope for those who don't have that relationship with God, and have a peace of mind that maybe one day they will choose for themselves to accept God and their Lord and Savior. That They will know Jesus. a mission in life that God has placed us here, to be the disciples in his name, and glory. That through us, others can find the salvation and accept and know Gods grace.
I think the part that got to me the most is that, people we know, people we love, will one day not be with us. That this life is in fact shorter then we realize and that while we have time we should share Gods love. I heard a quote once "How much can we hate someone, not to share or show them God and his love". It's so true, how selfish must one be to not share Gods love. After all it's the best thing anyone can experience.
So ill leave you with that thought streaming through your mind, as it gets to me every time.

Just remember, not matter what, one day, those clothes you wear, the hair cut you get, or even what kind of car you want, wont even matter anymore. All the earth will one day fall from our eyes, and we will be gone to this place. But our heart and soul, rests in the arms of Jesus. He is the only one who can save us from sin, he is the key to eternal life. Knowing him, accepting him, is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can only hope and pray that one day you will find salvation and forgiveness in him too.

the fifth of April two thousand and twelve.

I haven't blogged in a while so I'm sorry if this is a bit on edge or boring but if you want to... keep on reading :) 

Well, my name is still Katherine Elizabeth Gerrand, and so far I'm still on a long fulfilling journey with God. Ill tell you a bit about what is happening in my world.
At the moment, trying to fit God into every situation, every day is my aim. I have recently read 1 Peter, 2 Peter, 1 John, 2 John, 3 John and Jude. Great books of the bible. I have also read "When God writes your love story" Its a book that changed my whole perspective on relationships. In a good way, a way where it has taken all of me to give every corner of my life to God. and not trusting myself, but relying on his strength only. It's amazing how happy you can become when God starts to work through you and around you. Joy is with you even in the saddest of moments, why? Because the holy Spirit is in me. Other things that are happening... I'm photographing a wedding next week with another photographer, been looking for other jobs ( but lets see where God will take me). I have started in a new small group, which God has really blessed me with amazing people, My parents have bought a new house in Ferny Creek, where we will move once Steph is 18. I have been writing a lot of my book, which is a book that no one will ever read haha

Another thought on my mind...
Have you ever wondered why we're here? On earth?
It's a question that comes to my mind everyday.
I know it's a hard question but it really gets me thinking.

When I think about life- I think about eternal life. The life after this one. Of course it gets my brain ticking even more, as it would for yours because eternal life is something we don't experience until well... we're dead.
When thinking about eternal life, I think about Jesus and his death. It really makes me appreciate the works God has done for us.
You know what gets me? That most people know what "Easter" is, they also celebrate it all year round. Yet a lot of those people are celebrating a bunny and chocolate.
One thing I found today working in the bakery packing all the hot cross buns is that people love them. Yet the idea behind them is the "cross" on the bun. Not many people understand that the "cross" on hot cross buns is representing all God did for us, and how Jesus sacrificed his own life for ours. Even though it is 2012 years after his death, the world is still revolving around him, yet people are blind to see it. This actually really makes me wander how this world can be such a harsh, place filled with pain, temptation, loss, hurt, guilt and suffering. And all these things blind people from the truth.

Just remember that through hardships, bad times, loss, guilt and pain, God is above all your sorrows, the temptations you face and the Challenges you face. Have faith and trust in him and the plan he has for your life, cause it sure is going to be an adventure. Until we see him face to face, and grace amazing takes us home!

Jesus be the center!