Growing myself in God.

Ever since I was a baby, Mum and Dad have always taught us, the value of having God and Jesus as our Lord and savior. Here is a part of my story from recent times....

For a while now, I have been putting off writing. Normally day-to-day, I write. Some may call it a journal, me- I call it my Journey book. It's where I write out my feelings, say what I've done during the days, what temptations and situations I have faced. I become raw, with myself. I haven't written that book in a while, and I think it is because my mind is trying to keep its self, from its self. Which my mind its-self can't exactly understand. Confusing huh? In other words I think the mind can be most frightened of its self.

I'll try and explain it. Every time, I say to myself "Okay, today I am going to write" I think up a bunch of things I can say. And then,  get distracted. Example: Tonight after contemplating writing, I sat down, and actually started to. About three lines in of writing this, I then needed to go and drive my sister to a friends house, in the pouring thunderstorm of rain. So it, of course took a lot longer then expected. So my mind didn't exactly get to end or write what I wanted to. So here I am making the most of it..

Have you ever felt a spiritual and emotional low before?
Well now it's my turn to be raw with you (who ever reads this).
It all began with a book. Something so simple, yet powerful to the mind. Words can change how we see things, situations, and can change how we see people. And this book did that for me.
I have many stories over the past few weeks that can relate to this. But I'll start from the beginning.
So this book- it was filled with wisdom and encouragement, on relationships, the heart and God. Basically after reading this book, my heart was changed for the better. To be honest I did in fact see my life differently, I saw people in different ways. Wanting to respect them for who they are and where they were at, just wanting to love them, for them. I no longer saw people in categories, everyone no matter who they were now could impact me just as much as I could impact them. after all we all have a story.  . I saw this world differently too, how love in this world can be low in love in some aspects.. But most of all, I saw God differently. In a good way of course. I saw God as the creator of all things good, more then ever before. And so though I have done it many times, this time, with all my heart and soul I gave every single corner of my heart to God, even the ones I didn't know about. And I tried my best to not leave one door shut, realizing that though I had still given my life to God, being human I still had control of certain things.. And with a breath of exhaustion and relief, I opened every door, and let God into every corner. Dark or not, he was going to be the center.
It started there, as far as I can tell life has been great ever since then. Family life was getting better, I felt better about who I was personally and in God.
Somethings are hard to explain and certain things I won't explain, but I felt as if God had taken the broken pieces of my life, the ones people didn't even know I cared for, the pieces of my life that were fragile and disturbed and didn't even know it..  and HE put them back where they should be. slowly but surely everything was coming together again. Family situations, friends, they were all becoming why I was happy. I put every bit of me and invested into relationships. Building others up.
Little did I know that when I was most happy the devil would use temptation, pain, hurt and guilt against me, and I was weak for it, because I was so happy. I would doubt. Suffering is still in this world, and will always be That's one thing we can't change, no matter who we are.
And all of a sudden, I became aware. More aware, of the sufferings, more aware of the pain and hurt the world brings. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not just talking about 3rd world countries, or where war happens. I was seeing war at home. Where we live, in a society that cares more about what they wear and how they look to the world then to themselves.

Like I said before how words can change how people see things. I saw the pain and hurt of words. Though the book I read gave me a positive experience on this, imagine what the opposite can do to someones heart.
I've seen lately that a simple " I don't like you" can turn someones world upside down.
Judging people, saying negative things about people, what good is that going to create? Yet we are stuck in a world where as humans we naturally do this. Why? I will never know.

I didn't really want to bore you with all this, It does sound a lot more intense in my mind.
Going on....
By this point,all I felt I could do was support, encourage and love everyone. In doing this, I then was getting annoyed at people way to easily. Seeing the flaws they had even more then what I did before, I began to become frustrated with them, finding it hard from where some people were coming from with their own ideas and thoughts. Though I still accepted and respected their thoughts and beliefs, I was gaining frustration towards people, and taking some things personally, which lead me to feel either betrayed, hurt, lost and discouraged.  All at once, again I was reminded, and I was aware of the emotional, physical and spiritual battle that goes on in each persons life. That there will be times where we clash, where we face crossed roads, and where the hearts of people won't always be content.
Realizing now that my love for God, and letting him work in my life was breaking my heart, because I did see the bad, the hurt and the suffering that people have, big or small. I was getting upset at the hurt that didn't have to be created, and was unnecessary. This for me, was emotionally, spiritually and physically draining. (As it would be for anyone).
Somehow through all of this, I have seen Gods strength in myself. The salvation that I have is beyond amazing, and the grace that I have been blessed with is incredible!

As for now, today, all I can do is keep trusting in God. There is defiantly always going to be though ground, bumpy roads and lows in this world. But God will always and forevermore reign over all things good and bad.