10 years ago on 9/11

This day 10 years ago, I was living in New Zealand. Watching the devastation, and the un-thinkable happen in New York. I was young, though I remember people running, screaming, jumping, bleeding, and pleading for help. Some people have asked me, why do bad things happen to good people? All i can say is that; this world we live in has fear, anguish, and pain. And we have to embrace the happiness when its here. We have suffering so that life here, is valuable to us! A lot of people have no idea what happens after death, and their eternity can be lost.
On this day 10 years ago, many people had to endure the pain, the loss, the grief and sadness. While the rest of us had to sit and watch, what was going on around the other side of the world.
For me, i will always remember sitting at my home then, and watching the towers crumble, people jumping off the buildings because they had no choice!
People do some crazy messed up things in this world.. without it we would learn nothing, we wouldn't grow without pain, and become who God has created for us to be. We have a love that can over power the hard times, make the numbness heal, make our hearts whole, and make our souls pure.

jade.

jade, she is amazing, blessed i am to call her a friend. This year she has been a gift from God, and i know that moving to box hill senior has been worth it, just to meet her.
As soon as we both met, on the first day of school this year, we said hi, and i'm pretty sure that instantly we knew we were going to be great friends. We figured we were the only two people in our group, and instantly decided to make a spot for our selfs at this school, and call it something extravagant ( because other people had their spots), we named ours "the window" as it was in a shape of a window.
Through year 12 jade and i have formed a great bond, we constantly laugh at one anothers misfortune, cry when the other is crying, and get all stupid when we need to block out the stress of folios!

All i can say is that i love her! she's just about as stupid as i am, and just as silly. So we get along just fine :)
PS on ya jade ;)

HI!

hello. I haven't written a blog in a while. this is most likely due to  year 12 taking over my life and almost savaging my social life. Now only 2 weeks of 3rd term left, and I'm as busy as a bicycle wheel going 100k an hour.
With lots of family portraits going on, work, formals, church, and year 12 put together, plus having 2 folios, 4 finals, all my health due in, 2 more sacs, and trying to have a social life. wow its crazy.
Though I'm learning a lot. Mostly how to deal with everything, and just as that happens, its all going to end. End- year 12? it almost doesn't feel possible. But within the next 2 weeks, everything is going to be done. Crazy to think that. Also at the end of the two weeks, is going to be one of the best weeks this year.... YOUTH CAMP! just a tad excited, for these 2 weeks to be up, unless my brain overload decides to take over my body, and then ill become a walking time bomb.
It'll be okay, this year i have received lots and i mean LOTS of experience with photography and film, its been amazing, i will have enough family portraits for a folio, of experience. God has truly blessed me this year! church banner, filming for the church CD.. and now all this experience with family photographs. It is AMAZING. all while this has happened he is using my hands to bless other people. The church was blessed with a banner, who ever sees the amazing church CD will be blessed! And children in thailand will be blessed with the money i raise for target thai! Its amazing that God can use someone like me, to bless others around me, and also bless those in another country. So thank you God, for using me, i will serve you all of my days!
thats it for now :) gotta head back to reality and year 12...
PEACE

Influenced

Have you ever been influenced? By what you hear, see, or what the people around you do..?

Well just the other night during prayer and worship, i saw how i, have been influenced in my past.

 In primary school and some of highschool, it wasn't as easy as one might think, i went through things that you might not expect... Bullying from day to day, hurt, anger, trials... i have faced these in my own ways. Im not saying i wish these things didn't happen, as we all go through things that make us become who we are today.

And I've realised, that im still that scared little girl sometimes. The girl that a teacher found in grade prep, in the fetal position because some stupid grade 6 boys decided to make a nasty influence that has scared her...though I am not all that little anymore, though i face bigger life decisions, bigger choices, and bigger fears. The fears that I faced when i was young, the hurt i faced when i was young, has affected me greatly in how i see things today, how i fear things today, and how i act today...

A lady was speaking at church the other night... she was saying that our brains, without even knowing it, fear, what we used to fear. That without even knowing it, our brains automatically think that way, the way where we put ourselfs down, where we are afraid of that same hurt, afraid of that same sittuation, and afraid of the influence.

And yet here i am, only now, realising that this has affected me in ways i hadn't known. I have grown, loved, lost, feared, and become who i am today. Without the love of My God and Savior Jesus Christ, i wouldn't be who i am today. In fact i would of gone off the rails, gone somewhere, where that fear would of taken me. But because of the Lord, i am saved. I don't have to fear.. for he is always with me.

breaking point.

Have you ever had a moment where you realise you have hit rock bottom?? or breaking point? well its been a long couple of weeks. including school, work, church, and other commitments, my parents being away and trying to contain the siblings from doing something stupid.
Well, as a result of life and its craziness, today at work, i hit rock bottom. With out going into all the dull details, i went to work, they stuffed up and went to send me home after an hour. So i was annoyed yes, as i had to skip class to get there on time. So i went to talk with the manager. I had gotten ready to head home, but turns out they still wanted me to work in another department,  i walked out of the office... trying to keep my head held high, and the tears from pouring out, i ran to the bathroom  and started crying, and alot.. with everything in me wanting to quit and run away, i sat down, and prayed. "God help me stay strong"  With everything else on top of my plate, i had hit breaking point.
I looked myself in the eye, and reminded myself 'Isaiah 41:10' - "do not be afraid, for i am always with you" - Jesus.
Instantly, i had peace, though still cut up in my tears i went and talked with the store manager, and it was resolved.
Though im stressing with everything, i know God is with me, he feels our hurt, and he knows our hearts.
So thanks God, just for being awesome, without you, i wouldn't know what i would do.
-- Kath

What is to come.... ?

The last couple of months have been interesting, full of a lot of things, that have changed me. Often, i find myself thinking. As i watch the rain drops fall down the window, slowly, the gravity of time passes by. Next thing i know its been over 10 minutes that has passed. And all i did was watch the rain, falling.
Time is a funny thing, we grow old in time, people pass in time, and in time we all have a life.
We all see what is now in our lives. We might still be studying, be a full time or part time worker, some of us may have children ( not the majority who reads this blog), some may be struggling to find a job, and some, well some might not even know what is ahead for them. And really none of us do.
Right now, we all have a purpose. Everything has a purpose. The rain falling down on the window, the rain has a purpose.
I'm just going to share a little story...
This year, i was certain i wanted a prophecy,  Through someone from God, i was set out to find one. To hear from God. I went to a few different churches and got people to pray for me, and i worshiped and worshiped.. and i didn't have anything. A lot of my friends were hearing from God in miraculous ways, through different people praying, through other friends, and through the holy spirit. anyway, nothing yet had happened for me through someone.
About two or more weeks ago, i had a vision, or picture in my head... ill describe it to you....
"Imagine the African desert, all orange dusty, hardly trees.. there was a river, right in front of me, a shallow one of course, about ankle deep. now imagine looking across the little river from the ground, and watching all these feet running through it... The feet were dark skinned, skinny and little,  without seeing faces i saw them pushing out little boats across the river... "
WEll that was my vision/ picture, i had no idea what it was, all i knew is that to me it meant something. With all my hope to get a word from someone, nothing came. I didn't doubt God for a second, i only doubted myself.
Last night Allan spoke at church, about surrendering yourself to God.. now, i had done this many times over and over again.. as worship came, people were getting prayed for p the front.. as i started to pray in tongues , i felt this chilling sensation... i knew God wanted me to show him that i am willing to surrender . So i walked up to miranda, who was up the front, as i got there, i knew God didn't want me to get prayed for ( though miranda's prayer was still great!! ) as soon as i reached the front Instantly everything was blocked out of my head. I couldn't even hear miranda speaking let alone the band.... As i opened my eyes from this moment, i knew God had shown me the rest of the vision.
From the other vision along the river, and the feet running, i saw-- " I turned to look up from watching the feet running through the water, a little black boy, with big eyes, and a massive smile grabbed my hand. He looked at me, and as i saw his smile, and his beautiful eyes, he said "com'on com'on".. i was running with them, having fun. "
In the next moment, all i could do was smile. All this year i had wanted God to give me a prophecy through someone,  to hear a word, or anything from someone. I never knew that someone would be me.

The painting of a life time.

Well it seems i have come to a point in my life where im stuck. Stuck between the arkward stage. what stage might that be you may wonder... well sometimes i wonder too. Stuck between being an old kid, or a young adult.. to be honest i have no idea what im classified as. I can muck around, on the odd occasion, with friends like tab, jordan, and jade... i mean we have to have the silly moments in life right? But its that stage where, you actually have to choose to be mature. Where you face life changing decissions.. what im going to do next year..?
I have no clue that im going to do next year, i mean i thought i did, but i know now that i don't. And i know God hasnt made it clear to me yet..

Just today, i got a note that stated my name "Kathy" on the front. Jenny said it was from lauren ( one of my good friends) It stated
"As i see the beautiful you are, surly you have been placed here for a purpose". This letter showed me many things from God, through lauren. On the paper it had a semi circle drawn. Underneth the semi circle it stated " You may only see the semi circle, but God has bigger plans then that. He's already painting dreams and passions on your heart" as i read this, i started o cry.

God knows my plan, he already has them, and i know he is painting them on my heart. Life is always what we want, as its not our painting to create, its Gods. We may see the semi circle of life, But Gos see's the full circle. He knows what is coming ! we just have to let him paint away, to write the passions in our hearts, to create the dreams we may have!

Also around the page was written "LOVE, COURAGE, PEACE, and PATIENTS" thats all it takes.